Friday, May 9, 2014

Tit. For. Tat. With an addendum.

This is not about you.

OK. It actually may be.

As with so many things in life, we see what we want to see, even and including ourselves in someone else's writing.

If you think I am writing about you, I very well may be. I may also be referring to one of the other 2000 people in my life right now or one of the 10000 who have walked through my life before.

Either way, here it is:

Life is not tit for tat.
I thought it was.
I thought if I called you my best friend, then you called me yours and we'd wear two halves of a "BE FRI/ST ENDS" necklace and share a seat on the bus and chew ABC gum.
I THOUGHT if you invited me to your home or cooked for me when I was sick or picked my kids up at school then I HAD to do the same for you.
But I don't.
And neither do you.
As painful as it may be, we feel the way we feel...and we're free to participate in each other's lives however we see fit. Personally, I will proofread your work, host you as a last minute guest, and DEFINITELY listen to your relationship woes ad nauseam. And, of course, care for unborn babies. But I stopped doing things I don't enjoy AGES ago EVEN for my friends. And I don't feel the least bit guilty about it.
That's a lie.
But I'm working on it.

The one thing I DO have unresolved feelings about? The "best friend" thing.
If you are my absolute best friend in the whole entire world, does that mean no one else can be as close to me as you? And if I identify you as my best friend, do you have to do the same? What if there's someone else who makes your heart sing?

Well, that would suck.
But that's life.
Let's try to make the most of it.

Seems to me there's more. So let's continue the conversation, shall we?
What's your job as my friend? Maybe that's your own business?
I'll be honest. I have expectations. I have great hopes and desires. But maybe that sets me up for failure.
What's MY job as YOUR friend? To give you whatever you need. If I'm up for the task, that's what I have to focus on: You. *I* don't actually exist in the equation.
Think I buy it? Think I can make it work? Let's see. I'll keep you posted. ;)