"Yes, that's exactly the way it feels."
"I'm sorry, honey. She'll be okay. Do you want to come over in the afternoon?"
I met Melody's parents before today. Twice. The first time they were two hours late to their visit with her. The second time they barely looked up from their phones when I brought her into the room. They don't look anything like me. And I don't mean their skin color. Dad has multiple facial piercings and Mom has arms full of tattoos. And no ring. But they made the decision to take her home after almost two months in my care. So today I brought her back to the agency so they could have her. So they could take her from me.
I walked into the room wondering how much sadder I would be after the "return." How much more will I doubt their ability to parent? Will they be dressed nicely today? Will they pay attention to her?
Am I being racist?
Yes.
No. Classist.
Maybe "just" judgmental.
Melody's beautiful. She smiles and she coos. And I wonder what will happen if she has to "do without" or if she's ignored. Will she stop sounding so happy? Stop looking so pleasant?
Her parents are on time. They seemed happy to see me--to see us. But, God, was I skeptical.
We walked into the room. I've been in that room before. I placed Jibraan into the arms of his biological father in that room--a man who didn't know he had a son until Jibraan was six weeks old. I introduced April to her moms in that room and listened as her forever mother, Rachel, presented April's birth mom with a book of poetry. My eyes filled with tears in that room as Jonathan's father promised his birth mother they would love him and take care of them.
Melody's parents sat down and I leaned over to hand her to one of them. Her father took her from me and, in that moment, there may as well have been no one else in that room. He tucked Melody into the crook of his arm, began to whisper, and she began to coo. She was home.
Can you live on love? I'm not so sure. But at least she would have that. She will definitely have that.
"Do you have any questions for Ann?" asked the social worker.
Melody's parents looked at each other.
"Just...thank you for taking care of her. Thank you...don't start crying now...Okay?"
Okay. She'll be okay.
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Please note most of the names have been changed as has some "descriptive information."
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain. Sounds like a tough one. Go hug your kids.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Debbie. I've gotten lots of yummy hugs and kisses today.
Deletewow ann -- I can only imagine the emotional rollercoaster you go on every time. I dont think there is a way to "know" if she (or any of the children who have been in your care) will be okay over the long haul. All you can do is hope that they are coming back in to their baby's life for the right reasons. I was a social worker and used to be the supervisor for visitation between biological parents and their children all the time. I watched kids go back home and like you, wondered. I had to just have faith.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Pammy. That's exactly what it is. A roller coaster! Thanks for your insight.
DeleteSharing your light and love with the world!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Michelle, especially for being such an excellent support throughout.
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ReplyDeleteOnly 'cuz it was a repeat. :)
DeleteLove it !!!! She is good,you were wonderful you gave her that special beginning and now she will be great !
ReplyDeleteI learn from the best, Carmela! ;)
DeleteSo proud of you. Some people in this world talk the talk, and others like you walk the walk. The article was beautifully written as well. It sounds like her parents are ready to embrace her and take on that responsibility. They (and the baby) and so lucky that there are selfless and loving people out there like you in this world. God bless you! :)
ReplyDeleteYour coming here and posting means the world to me. You, sir, and these words, are irreplaceable. Thank you for the comment and for everything you do to show you care.
DeleteYou guys rock. If we lived in a world where Zschut (merit) mattered you would be the wealthiest people I know.
ReplyDeleteHi Daniel! Oh, thank you. I think, thank God, we do often feel quite blessed by our riches. Thanks for "stopping by!" :)
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